Thursday, March 18, 2010

Yaya Jayan

We've had this yaya since I was in the 4th grade. Her name is Jayan.

She isn't just any old yaya! First of all, really isn't old. Second, she's got this strange personality with a billion quirks.

1. She's so in with the latest celebrity gossip.

She LOVES watching E!, Entertainment Tonight, and The Insider. She watches out for her favorite actors and actresses like "Jakie" (Jackie Chan), "Angelica" (Angelina Jolie), "Bread Peet" (Brad Pitt), "Heelaree Dap" (Hilary Duff), and "LinD-sai Luna" (Lindsay Lohan).

2. She really knows her finances and anything that's got to do with it.

She has an ATM, so she can manage her money (she has other businesses). Sometimes, she asks me for help withdrawing from "Weswes Bang" (East West Bank), "Mitrobang" (Metrobank), or "Yunyun Bang" (Union Bank).

3. She's almost totally involved in the family.

She and my dad were talking about getting a "fak mashin" (fax machine) one time, and she never failed to wake me up and remind me that I had "botai" (Muay Thai--she remembers Billy Blanks' Tae Bo tapes that she used to work out to) every MWF morning.

4. She's really comfortable at home already, so we do trust her when she's around our things, even though she likes to mess with them. She's scared of all our things anyway--she thinks they're all potentially hazardous to her health.

-Liquid eyeliner.
I had liquid eyeliner before that I never used, so she got it from my bag and asked if she could have it. I said, yeah, sure. Then she excitedly entered the bathroom and faced the mirror. She got the wand out and asked me how to apply it. I said, "Just trace around your eyes." She pulled down her...eyebag(?), put the wand to the rim of her eye, and traced a nice solid line along the INSIDE of the skin. She let go and proceeded to tear up, asking me what was wrong and if it really hurt that way. I told her to wash her eye out and never gave her liquid eyeliner again.

One time, when Jayan was home alone, she was cleaning up the master's bedroom. When she got to my mum's vanity mirror, she looked through its myriad of contents as she usually does, searching for something to satiate her boredom. Among the bottles of perfume was the new can of pepper spray mum bought us for when we commute. On the can, there's a print of an angry gorilla with the words "BACK OFF!!" on it. She thought it said, "BACK OFF!!" because of it's strong, alluring scent. So she opened it and sprayed it on her arm. The first thing she realized was that it said "BACK OFF!!" because it stank. Then, she also realized that she could no longer breathe. Then she thought she was gonna die. She never tried any of our perfumes again.

I'm sure most of you know what Berocca is. It's a tablet you dissolve in a glass of water to get your RDA of vitamins and all that good-for-your-health stuff. Jayan knows that, too--that it's good for your health. So one time when she was feeling sick, she saw the Berocca mum left behind and thought that it contained all the vitamins she needed to get better, so she got one and popped it in her mouth. After a few seconds of chewing, her mouth started to froth. She thought she was gonna die.

5. She brings us Midnight Snacks at 9pm.

On the menu would usually be egg sandwiches, "pinitpit" (grilled cheese sandwiches :p), fruit salad, PB&J, and chips.

6. She's a party animal

When friends come over to drink, there's usually half a bottle we save for next time. When I see her tipsy a few nights later, I know to buy a new bottle for said next time. She also used to dance with us (9 years ago) in my old room. She loved Weird Al.

Oh yeah...she thinks that every nice song she hears on the radio is by Air Supply.

That's Jayan for ya.

The Dangerous Freudian Slip

Why does it always happen to me? lol

Seriously...there have been so many instances where I'd say something and I'd just end up beet red in the face.

Exhibit A: Nagaraya

Nagaraya was one of our bigger sponsors a few months back so we got alot of yums from them. On air, we'd read billboards for them and stuff, and to put extra effect, some of us would eat Nagaraya while in the booth. I'd eat Nagaraya while reading something about Nagaraya. One time, I choked. So I coughed, excuse myself, and said, "Sorry, I've got nuts in my mouth."

When I finally realized what I said, my eyes popped outta my sockets and I tried to save it. "No, no, I meant that I'm eating...I've got nuts down my throat." After that, I was just like never mind...RAAARRGH.

Exhibit B: Moddess

Moddess was gonna hold an advanced premiere for New Moon, so they had a little contest on air. They wanted girls to call in and answer the question, "Who do you like better--Edward or Jacob?" First caller gets two tickets to see both of them shirtless in the movie before anyone else does. So I started the spiel, basically telling people what they had to do. I gave a little example:

"Who do you like better--Edward or Jacob? Personally, I like Jacob, but I kinda like Edward better because I like my men hard." And again, right when I said it, I kinda pressed my hand against my forehead and tried to save myself. "What I meant to say is that, you know, Edward is hard and I like know, 'coz he's a vampire...."


Exhibit C: Pineapple/Problem with Gibb

Last night, I stayed in the booth with Gibb to keep her company since Jos was still at work. So as her co-host, I helped her with reading some stuff off the yahoo messenger while she manned the board. I was helping her figure out how to read a message from this guy who really needed to go back to gradeschool and re-learn pronouns ("may crush me"). He was telling us about how he was having trouble approaching this girl he likes because she's always with her group of friends.

"Just go up to her and say hi!" said Gibb.

"Well," I started. "I read somewhere that men tend to be intimidated by the tightness of a girl's..." I paused and seriously thought about the word that was just at the tip of my tongue. Possy? Ah! "..clique." I finished. Gibb was looking at me like I grew another head. "What?" I asked.

"What did you say?"

Then, again, I realized what had come out of my mouth. "Clique! I said 'tightness of a girl's CLIQUE!"

Then Gibb went on telling me that I had to shut up before I said anything else lol.

Oh boy. I hope this doesn't happen when Jason Castro's around.


WOW. It is COLD in here! Hahahaha!

You know who else will be in the booth with me tomorrow?

I'll give you a little hint:


Once he's here..the booth will significantly heat up, I think :> yummyyyy...