Thursday, March 18, 2010

Yaya Jayan

We've had this yaya since I was in the 4th grade. Her name is Jayan.

She isn't just any old yaya! First of all, really isn't old. Second, she's got this strange personality with a billion quirks.

1. She's so in with the latest celebrity gossip.

She LOVES watching E!, Entertainment Tonight, and The Insider. She watches out for her favorite actors and actresses like "Jakie" (Jackie Chan), "Angelica" (Angelina Jolie), "Bread Peet" (Brad Pitt), "Heelaree Dap" (Hilary Duff), and "LinD-sai Luna" (Lindsay Lohan).

2. She really knows her finances and anything that's got to do with it.

She has an ATM, so she can manage her money (she has other businesses). Sometimes, she asks me for help withdrawing from "Weswes Bang" (East West Bank), "Mitrobang" (Metrobank), or "Yunyun Bang" (Union Bank).

3. She's almost totally involved in the family.

She and my dad were talking about getting a "fak mashin" (fax machine) one time, and she never failed to wake me up and remind me that I had "botai" (Muay Thai--she remembers Billy Blanks' Tae Bo tapes that she used to work out to) every MWF morning.

4. She's really comfortable at home already, so we do trust her when she's around our things, even though she likes to mess with them. She's scared of all our things anyway--she thinks they're all potentially hazardous to her health.

-Liquid eyeliner.
I had liquid eyeliner before that I never used, so she got it from my bag and asked if she could have it. I said, yeah, sure. Then she excitedly entered the bathroom and faced the mirror. She got the wand out and asked me how to apply it. I said, "Just trace around your eyes." She pulled down her...eyebag(?), put the wand to the rim of her eye, and traced a nice solid line along the INSIDE of the skin. She let go and proceeded to tear up, asking me what was wrong and if it really hurt that way. I told her to wash her eye out and never gave her liquid eyeliner again.

One time, when Jayan was home alone, she was cleaning up the master's bedroom. When she got to my mum's vanity mirror, she looked through its myriad of contents as she usually does, searching for something to satiate her boredom. Among the bottles of perfume was the new can of pepper spray mum bought us for when we commute. On the can, there's a print of an angry gorilla with the words "BACK OFF!!" on it. She thought it said, "BACK OFF!!" because of it's strong, alluring scent. So she opened it and sprayed it on her arm. The first thing she realized was that it said "BACK OFF!!" because it stank. Then, she also realized that she could no longer breathe. Then she thought she was gonna die. She never tried any of our perfumes again.

I'm sure most of you know what Berocca is. It's a tablet you dissolve in a glass of water to get your RDA of vitamins and all that good-for-your-health stuff. Jayan knows that, too--that it's good for your health. So one time when she was feeling sick, she saw the Berocca mum left behind and thought that it contained all the vitamins she needed to get better, so she got one and popped it in her mouth. After a few seconds of chewing, her mouth started to froth. She thought she was gonna die.

5. She brings us Midnight Snacks at 9pm.

On the menu would usually be egg sandwiches, "pinitpit" (grilled cheese sandwiches :p), fruit salad, PB&J, and chips.

6. She's a party animal

When friends come over to drink, there's usually half a bottle we save for next time. When I see her tipsy a few nights later, I know to buy a new bottle for said next time. She also used to dance with us (9 years ago) in my old room. She loved Weird Al.

Oh yeah...she thinks that every nice song she hears on the radio is by Air Supply.

That's Jayan for ya.

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